Feeling Guilty Over "Mike"

This 44 year old Unmarried Chica is feeling rather guilty on this morning. Yep.... I lusted big time over Channung Tatum's tight body and well played simulations of oral sex. Oh my goodness. It was just one hugr reminder that I have been without sex for 22 years, and that when I did have it, I would have done better staying a virgin and buying some heavy duty Vibrators.
Yep... I need the Lord to help me not to mess up any further. Sometimes, I feel like I've missed out. Like my youth was wasted in hating myself, and others. Will God restore all that was taken from me, by others and my own foolishness, insecurities, and sin? I certainly hope so..
Perhaps being hurt/used by Timothy was a good thing. It could uave been a lot worse. Way worse. But God... But God.... But God gave me the Grace to continue on and do a 180.. Thank God for Jesus. I am free to be (a growing) me...

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I almost got suckered by an Author...

I don't know why, but one of my favorite authors decided that she was going to release an IR with a lesbian bent. Seriously??!!! Seriously??!!! As if I need to read that crap. And what made it so bad is that the book was 99 cents, and it neglected to give a true synopsis. I knew better rhan to read it after a certain point, and i regret the fact that I did. k wam99 cents

I choose to have a good attitude...

Awesome Day!

Today was an awesome day!

I avoided an arguement with BEC & I saw Mr. M & his wife agin. I s . so glad that God worked it out for them. 2 checks a month!
Other than that, i am so gr8ful that God has blessed me ans my family...

I need to take a Vacay and just Shut Up

I seriously need to take a Vacation, so that I can just sit down somewhere and shut up.

Why am I saying this? This is all because I gave another salesman at the Audi delearship, " the Business" regarding my displeasure being treated as a nonentity (initially) on yesterday. He said that he would speak to the manager and make it right, byt at this moment I am so done with them.

However, on the inside, I do feel like crap for the way that I spoke to him. I treated bim poorly, and quite frankly, I was engaging in emotional bullshit with a whopping stinky dose of bad emotional hygiene. I need to work that shit outon my own and/or with a therapist.

Despite the fact thst i fucked up again, i will not be against myself and do self sabatoge. I am going to work on me and deal with it.

If I didn't know that I was black before today, I sure as Fuck do now...

Today, I went shopping for the Infiniti, and had a chance to test drive two vehicles. But also, i got a taste of some seriously annoying disrespect at an Audi Dealership in Euless. Initially when Eld. M and i went into the dealership, no one said not one frickin thing. Just absolutely ignored us, and they did it for so lo g that I had a chance to look up the name of the best salesman on the lot, and after i got a half-assed response from 1 salesguy, it took more time until i finally moved to ask one of the black guys sitting in an office about why it was taking so long to be helped. Simply put, I was pissed. Finally as a black sales guy was approaching the area where the man's office was, he stopped to ask if i needed some help, and i explained that i was waiting on homeboy, but he hadn't shown up yet.And yes, i did tell him that i was upset, and felt disrespected. More than likely, my statement, along with my expectation to receive stellar service, and the fact that i am currently a Black lower middleclass woman, had something to do with the lack of enthusiasm, and general shitty service that i received on today. The one bright spot was the salesman, but i think that he just wanted us out of his hair. I want to write a letter or call their corporate office, but those German bastards would probably ask why did my Black ass want a fucking Infiniti. Yep folks... I am pissed, but i will get over it. Why are some people so fucking uncool?

Less Sleep=One Cranky Chica

I need some freakin' rest....