I have to make a decision regarding Grad School within the next week or so, and so far, I've narrowed it down to studying Journalism, Sociology, Social Work (yuck!), and Technological Methods for Instructors/Trainers.
One of the good things about this time is that I've been able to get some rest, but I'm still somewhat restless.
Currently I'm reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman (Smart Women learn to say No!), it's helping me out, but again, I'm feeling a little on the funky side.
Oh! One side note, I thought that I'd see Tim during our school's graduation, but he along with quite a few students weren't there. I don't know if he flunked out during his last semester, he didn't want to brave the stormy weather, or if something happened to him. I was nervous about seeing him, but I was willing to do it. As a way to provide closure (for me), I sent him a text (via AOL) letting him know that I missed him during Graduation, but that I wished him all the best, and was praying that God would "richly bless him." He responded with a text to my AOL account, but I deleted it before I could read anything snide or hurtful.
I was feeling really good about finally letting that crap go, and personally I just didn't need his sarcasm to throw a monkeywrench in my parade of "Happy."
There... I feel better just getting that out...
I do have to say this... I sometimes wonder if Tim was an assigned distraction that was meant to delay me from moving forward in life. I wonder about it, because there's a saying that <i>the devil has a cake baked just for you...</i>
For a short season, I believe that Tim was that slice of buttercream cake, and believe you me, I really wanted to consume the whole cake.
In a way, I'm glad that he acted the way that he did (Narcissist!!!), because if he had actually shown that he was somewhat trustworthy, I probably would have slept with him. I wanted him, and I wanted him bad... Oh, so bad. It was like something was awoken from sleep, deep within, and I wanted to explore it. I wanted to be touched, and most of all, I wanted to be loved by someone.
Now, when I look back and see pictures of him, it really does weird me out, because he's not all that. In a way, he's kind of average/ugly for a white guy, and not to mention, he's got a small penis. Imagine my surprise when he sent me that pic via text, it looked like an angry little worm that he had to hold up with 2 of his fingers.. WTF?????
I've seen penis pics that were literally awe-inspiring works of art, his penis really did need to be hidden.
Regardless, if he'd been nice and had treated me better than he did, I really would not have cared. At the time, I just wanted to be with him.
Okay, I feel better getting that off of my chest.
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