I chose to delete some of the blog posts because it was 2 negative.although it was real honestand truthful it was 2 negative. Despite the fact that it was negative, it gave me a chance to voice my passionate feelings. For that, I am grateful. I am looking forward to a brighter future, and I am leaving behind my painful memories, and instead, I am moving forward. This was a valuable experience, but I believe that it was A reminder that I should never discount who I am as A woman. I have value and if someone can't see that then they are not the 1.

About 3 months ago, during finals, I became immensely attracted 2 a tall police recruit/process server. I had noticed him throughout the semester @ school, but when he mentioned that he had a girlfriend from a "South American" country, I crossed him off of my list. My 1st mistake, was not admitting 2 myself that I liked him, and my 2nd mistake, was not checking out his nature/character. About 18 years ago, i 'd gotten involved with a guy who was involved with someone else, but also sneaking around with a lot of other chicks as well. Simply put, that "boy", just wasn't worth my time nor the mental/emotional anguish, that I allowed myself 2 go thru. During the past 18 years, I'd only merely existed, having gained 80 lbs as a way 2 isolate myself from the eyes of as doggish men, ever again. The problem is this, that while I was building walls 2 keep men & other hurtful stuff out, I was building my own emotional/mental prison as well. Although what I hv written is ugly, it's real and it's honest. I needed 2 say what I said & I needed 2 give my passionate feelings a voice. I'm glad that I had a chance 2 get the anger out by getting real b4 God, my godmother, & this blog. Maybe, it wasn't such a bad thing 2 actually " feel" again. He wasn't the one', and that's OK...  Now that I HV forgiven him & me, I am free 2 continue my education, finish my degree, lose some more weight, work on me. Maybe this was God's way of showing me what was on the inside of me. What do I do with that?  As as soon as the 2nd paper is completed, I am deleting his number and his email address. I have chosen to forgive, but I will not forget the lesson, because it was too expensive to learn in the first place so therefore I am going to make the most of this experience as much as possible. I choose let it go and I choose to be free. I hope he does well in the future. above all and wish him well.