What lies beneath...

Well, today, my family had to go and have Precious put down. Her kidneys were failing, and as anyone knows, a kidney transplant for a dog, would be economically outrageous. I'm so thankful that "we" had the money to cover the $4600 Vet bill, and also, I'm thankful for the awesome staff at the Vet Clinic. They were absolutely amazing. I'm going to miss Precious, and her weird funky bark/howl... And I will especially miss telling her "Don't Bite Me!" whenever I would give her a treat (which was just about always). We had five good years with that dog, I guess I can and should be grateful for that. But regardless, it still hurts not to have her here with us. If anything, paying $4600 for 5 days of care helped us to get closure.

Precious may be put to sleep

Last night, my brother and I took one of our dogs to a 24 hour vet. Precious has been feeling quite ill, and with that being the case we took her to the Vet. Of course, they wanted $1000 as a deposit. Her diagnosis? Well, apparently she has some type of major infection that's affecting her kidneys. I believe that we've gone as far as we can, in regards to the care and comfort of this dog. For 5 years we've cared for our baby girl, after we found her living on the street. She'd been 5 months old and was seriously abused by people living in/near our neighborhood. Thank God we were able to take her in and love her... Even though putting her down might be the best thing to do, it still hurts.

Who Gives a Flip?

Since this is my venting blog, please allow me to say this... idiotic people are full of shit!

A woman came into the library, and literally wasted 10 minutes of my time with her bullshit rant about not being able to open her fucking dvd case. Well, dumbass.. check the fucking case before you leave! Why don't you?

Stupid woman! Acting like she's going to have a friggin' nervous breakdown, just because someone didn't hold her hand and open her case for her.. Seriously? Must we tell our customers that cases are locked? Seriously???

While she was on a roll, I managed to sit back in my chair and look at her, and I do mean really look at her.

Just absolutely silly!

Wish I could talk to someone about this stuff, because shit like this is absolutely hilarious.

This is just me being real, without the mask of people pleasing and religion.

Graduated with my B.A, but feeling somewhat Ambivalent

On the 12th of May at 7:30pm, I graduated with my B.A in Sociology. Although I know I should be really happy, I've felt this malaise/ambivalence try to wear me down. I just miss school. I miss my professors, I miss my fellow students, and I miss the people that I used to tutor.

I have to make a decision regarding Grad School within the next week or so, and so far, I've narrowed it down to studying Journalism, Sociology, Social Work (yuck!), and Technological Methods for Instructors/Trainers.

One of the good things about this time is that I've been able to get some rest, but I'm still somewhat restless.

Currently I'm reading a book by Dr. Kevin Leman (Smart Women learn to say No!), it's helping me out, but again, I'm feeling a little on the funky side.

Oh! One side note, I thought that I'd see Tim during our school's graduation, but he along with quite a few students weren't there. I don't know if he flunked out during his last semester, he didn't want to brave the stormy weather, or if something happened to him. I was nervous about seeing him, but I was willing to do it. As a way to provide closure (for me), I sent him a text (via AOL) letting him know that I missed him during Graduation, but that I wished him all the best, and was praying that God would "richly bless him." He responded with a text to my AOL account, but I deleted it before I could read anything snide or hurtful.

I was feeling really good about finally letting that crap go, and personally I just didn't need his sarcasm to throw a monkeywrench in my parade of "Happy."

There... I feel better just getting that out...

I do have to say this... I sometimes wonder if Tim was an assigned distraction that was meant to delay me from moving forward in life. I wonder about it, because there's a saying that <i>the devil has a cake baked just for you...</i>

For a short season, I believe that Tim was that slice of buttercream cake, and believe you me, I really wanted to consume the whole cake.

In a way, I'm glad that he acted the way that he did (Narcissist!!!), because if he had actually shown that he was somewhat trustworthy, I probably would have slept with him. I wanted him, and I wanted him bad... Oh, so bad. It was like something was awoken from sleep, deep within, and I wanted to explore it. I wanted to be touched, and most of all, I wanted to be loved by someone.

Now, when I look back and see pictures of him, it really does weird me out, because he's not all that. In a way, he's kind of average/ugly for a white guy, and not to mention, he's got a small penis. Imagine my surprise when he sent me that pic via text, it looked like an angry little worm that he had to hold up with 2 of his fingers.. WTF?????

I've seen penis pics that were literally awe-inspiring works of art, his penis really did need to be hidden.

Regardless, if he'd been nice and had treated me better than he did, I really would not have cared. At the time, I just wanted to be with him.

Okay, I feel better getting that off of my chest.