Lost 8 pounds, have a bit o' stuff to deal with

The overall purpose of this blog is for me to get some stuff off of my chest without suffering the judgements of others, nor the intense inner turmoil that comes from keeping it all in. On Sunday morning, I was on FB about to see if my family in California was doing ok, and lo and behold, what do I see? The asshole and some mexican chick on his profile getting jiggy with it... Now before you get me wrong, know this. Tim's profile was on a list of friends to add (of which I said, Hell to the No!), but of course, I being the emotional sadist that I am, choose to look at his profile, and what do I see? I see that he is engaged to the mexican/costa rican/spanish chica as of this month. For a moment there, I had a moment of grief that stemmed from the months that i lost pining over this motherfucking Narcisstic asshole. I had to go back and ask myself, did I really think so low of myself that I actually wanted this asshole & thought that his ill-treatment of me was acceptable? As I began to give it some thought, I considered the 3 moments in my life where I tried to use food/weight gain as a way to smother my feelings about men. The conclusion? I just need to stop the bullshit, and just move on. That asshole never cared about me. He only cared about the A's & B's that I was able to generate for his papers. Lazy Ass MotherFucking Bastard. Yes, I motherfucking said iT!!! Lazy Ass Pussy of a Motherfucking Bastard!!! Ahh... That feels better. I hope I never cross paths with that Asshole ever again. I feel sorry for his fiancee, because Tim is a serious fucking Narcisstic asshole that just may take her through thre freaking wringer. God bless her soul. I do have to say this... In a way, as a multiracial woman of African descent, I felt like I was treated as a potential come dump, in favor of a lighter skinned woman with european features and a petite body. In other words, for a brief moment, I made the foolish move of comparing myself to the mexican/puerto rican/spanish chica. I have to wonder, did he just shit all over me because I'm black? Not skinny? Was shy about being overtly sexual, or what?? Why didn't he treat me right and see me as worthy of being loved? Why?!