Feeling Guilty Over "Mike"

This 44 year old Unmarried Chica is feeling rather guilty on this morning. Yep.... I lusted big time over Channung Tatum's tight body and well played simulations of oral sex. Oh my goodness. It was just one hugr reminder that I have been without sex for 22 years, and that when I did have it, I would have done better staying a virgin and buying some heavy duty Vibrators.
Yep... I need the Lord to help me not to mess up any further. Sometimes, I feel like I've missed out. Like my youth was wasted in hating myself, and others. Will God restore all that was taken from me, by others and my own foolishness, insecurities, and sin? I certainly hope so..
Perhaps being hurt/used by Timothy was a good thing. It could uave been a lot worse. Way worse. But God... But God.... But God gave me the Grace to continue on and do a 180.. Thank God for Jesus. I am free to be (a growing) me...

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I almost got suckered by an Author...

I don't know why, but one of my favorite authors decided that she was going to release an IR with a lesbian bent. Seriously??!!! Seriously??!!! As if I need to read that crap. And what made it so bad is that the book was 99 cents, and it neglected to give a true synopsis. I knew better rhan to read it after a certain point, and i regret the fact that I did. k wam99 cents

I choose to have a good attitude...

Awesome Day!

Today was an awesome day!

I avoided an arguement with BEC & I saw Mr. M & his wife agin. I s . so glad that God worked it out for them. 2 checks a month!
Other than that, i am so gr8ful that God has blessed me ans my family...

I need to take a Vacay and just Shut Up

I seriously need to take a Vacation, so that I can just sit down somewhere and shut up.

Why am I saying this? This is all because I gave another salesman at the Audi delearship, " the Business" regarding my displeasure being treated as a nonentity (initially) on yesterday. He said that he would speak to the manager and make it right, byt at this moment I am so done with them.

However, on the inside, I do feel like crap for the way that I spoke to him. I treated bim poorly, and quite frankly, I was engaging in emotional bullshit with a whopping stinky dose of bad emotional hygiene. I need to work that shit outon my own and/or with a therapist.

Despite the fact thst i fucked up again, i will not be against myself and do self sabatoge. I am going to work on me and deal with it.

If I didn't know that I was black before today, I sure as Fuck do now...

Today, I went shopping for the Infiniti, and had a chance to test drive two vehicles. But also, i got a taste of some seriously annoying disrespect at an Audi Dealership in Euless. Initially when Eld. M and i went into the dealership, no one said not one frickin thing. Just absolutely ignored us, and they did it for so lo g that I had a chance to look up the name of the best salesman on the lot, and after i got a half-assed response from 1 salesguy, it took more time until i finally moved to ask one of the black guys sitting in an office about why it was taking so long to be helped. Simply put, I was pissed. Finally as a black sales guy was approaching the area where the man's office was, he stopped to ask if i needed some help, and i explained that i was waiting on homeboy, but he hadn't shown up yet.And yes, i did tell him that i was upset, and felt disrespected. More than likely, my statement, along with my expectation to receive stellar service, and the fact that i am currently a Black lower middleclass woman, had something to do with the lack of enthusiasm, and general shitty service that i received on today. The one bright spot was the salesman, but i think that he just wanted us out of his hair. I want to write a letter or call their corporate office, but those German bastards would probably ask why did my Black ass want a fucking Infiniti. Yep folks... I am pissed, but i will get over it. Why are some people so fucking uncool?

Less Sleep=One Cranky Chica

I need some freakin' rest....

Today was the greatest day, so far...

Awesome on to day! Looking forward to an even better one on tomorrow..

Saw the "Age of Adeline" again after an interesting day

On today, I had to put Vincent in check after he attempted to hug/harrass Steph. He stsrted huffing and puffing, but i didn't give a flip, because he was wrong, and Steph was uncomfortable. No one should have to put up with that kind of shit. After that happened, we kept the doors closed to to Staff area. Also, i came to the conclusion on today that the Duncanville Cheddars is not a good place to patronize. Besides the issue with their credit card machine, the waitress was very blase, and the manager didn't offer his apologies in person for jacking up my lunch hour. Instead of easting my $$$ worh Cheddars, i went to Braums, and spent 60% less than i would have at Cheddars.

Before we closed, that young black mother with thw three kids came in agai. And let her children run like wild animals. When 1 of her sons tried to stab me with a pencil, i wanted to spano his little ass. When i let her know about him trying to stab me, she tells the security guard, "Officer, arrest him." i decided not to joke about this, and instead told her that shes the Mom, so therefore she needed ti handle it. She carried them/him for 9 months and will be taking care of him until the day that she dies, and so thetefore she has to handle it. Because if the woman i. baltimore can hanfle it, sheo could too.

When i got home after work, i wanted to just settle in, but my bro decided to watch some true crime show. Since i was somewhat agitated, i decided to get away and go somewhere to eat and read. While i was on the way to Denny's, I decided to go ahead and use my Groupon to see "The Age of Adeline" once more before the Avengers 2 take over the theatres and push movies like Adeline out...

I just wanted to relax. This wasn't meant for me to complain.

I decree and declare that this is going to be an awesome day!!!

This is going to be one of the best days of my Life😘

Awesome Day...

I had a great day on today... I took care of my vehicle registration, paid off two library fines, had some food, and saw 2 movies.. One of which was "Furious 7" for the 3rd time! I loved it, so i don't care if i come off weird or anything...

The 2nd movie that i saw was "The Age of Adelaine." The primary male character in that movie was absolutely gorgeous!!! And I mean like "Wow!!!" Just absolutely breathtaking...






A Simply gorgeous, who just happens to star in a great movie...

I'm giving the movie an A-...

Premenstrual Blues

Simply put, I am horny, and i want some relief un the form of 3-4 deep orgasms that will knock my socks off. I wish that i had my own condo, where i could just ride a sybian all night long. I am a 44 year old woman who longs to be touched, but hates being touched by strange people.

Closure, Research Papers, and a sigh of relief

OK, so this morning, I sent Tim a message regarding the fact that I am no longer angry, and that I wish him well in his marriage. I told to him that I've been praying for him, and that I wish that things had turned out differently, that we'd been friends or associates.

I felt so nervous writing that message because you never know how someone is going to reach to you. You don't know if they're going to agree that peace needs to be brokered, or if they will somehow find a way to once again stomp your mended heart into shattered pieces.

I hate conflict, I really do.

I just wonder:

1. Will he respond?
2. What will he say, and how will he say it?

I just want to move forward by draining the bitterness, and getting some closure.